Things You Should Probably Know Before We Get Started:

I play too much online poker, I will quote certain movies (word for word) and rap (loudly) in the car, and I'm planning on delaying adulthood for as long as possible. WHO'S WITH ME?!

Also: Female. Liberal. Irreverent. Impatient. Blazingly sarcastic. Impulsive. Flirty. New Year's Baby. Unhealthily neat. New Yorker. Atheist. Addicted to carbs, television, and the Internet. Sexually ambiguous. Argumentative. Coy, yet ballsy. Contemporary, yet timeless.

Reading, writing, drinking, kissing, sleeping, smoking, walking, and talking, or, alternately: an MA student at Emerson.

I'm also blogging somewhat regularly @ The Brilliant Spectrum. (Come say hi!)

Bitching about politics, rolling joints, being a compulsive neat-freak, poker, makeup application, Grey Goose consumption, finding hilarious Internet comedy gold at a moment's notice, multitasking, my spot-on Eric Cartman impression.

See also: Utilizing the perfect word, winning over babies and puppies with my winning smile, singing in the car, media deconstruction.

My dazzling...wits.

(a) Anything by: Douglas Coupland, Augusten Burroughs, Chuck Klosterman, Eric Schlosser, Sarah Vowell, Steve Almond, Dave Barry, Maxx Barry, Kurt Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, E.L. Doctorow, Howard Zinn, Camille Paglia, Leonard Cohen, Michael Ondaatje, Michael Chabon, Oscar Wilde, Raymond Chandler, Roland Barthes, William Gibson, Marshall McLuhan, Barbara Ehrenreich, Ben Mezrich, Malcom Gladwell.

(b) Traffic, Bring It On, Most things associated with the Coen Brothers, Spellbound!, Riding In Cars With Boys, Mermaids, Snatch, Pulp Fiction, Revenge of the Nerds, Excess Baggage, The Motorcycle Diaries, Almost Famous, The Usual Suspects, Reality Bites, School of Rock, Mean Girls, Go!, Secretary, Chasing Amy, The Addams Family, The Emperor's New Groove, Harold and Kumar Go To White-Castle, Rounders, Kill Bill, The Comedians of Comedy, Friends With Money, anything associated with Kate Winslet, The Royal Tenenbaums, Less Than Zero, Wayne's World, Thank You For Smoking, The Devil's Advocate, Beautiful Girls, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Happiness, Eternal Sunshine, Mulan, Clueless, Ratatouille - the list goes on and on and on...

(c) Constantly changing, so your best bet is to check out my last.fm profile. Some of my old standby favorites include: Ani Difranco, Guster, BNL, Fiona Apple, Weezer, early 90s Pearl Jam, Christina Aguilera, Billy Joel, Neil Young, Cake, Pink, Radiohead, Britney (shut up, you love it), Destiny's Child (the FOUR-PART HARMONY VERSION), Incubus, Madonna, Justin Timberlake, D'Angelo, Gwen Stefani and No Doubt, The Streets, Stevie Wonder, Craig David, Sublime, Queens of the Stone Age, Portishead, Massive Attack, Air, Usher, Dar Williams, Iron & Wine, The Pixies, The Smiths, Queen, Feist, Frou Frou...blah blah blah blah blah...music is awesome....

(d) Anything dipped in ranch dressing. Also: Pickles, olives, rich & creamy pasta dishes, turkey, sharp cheddar, BBQ beef short ribs, Mom's brisket, yummy soups, pumpkin pie, anything that bears the name of General Tso, coffee ice-cream, big juicy cheeseburgers, corn-on-the-cob, tomatoes, potatoes, and nearly all known preparations of chicken. (Don't question the relationship between Jewish girls and chicken: It's real and it's deep.)

I get hassled a lot for being a somewhat picky eater, so don't take it personally if I don't want to try your fuckin' sushi. Blech.

And while we're on the subject of favorites, I do happen to watch a lot of television. Namely: Arrested Development, Weeds, Everwood, Grey's Anatomy, Entourage, The L Word, Scrubs, The West Wing, SNL, Sports Night, Six Feet Under, Sex and the City, Nip/Tuck, Freaks & Geeks, Huff, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Family Guy, Simpsons, Invader Zim, Clone High, Starved, Lost, Project Runway, The Daily Show, What Not To Wear, The Late Show w/Conan O'Brien, Top Chef, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Dexter, Friday Night Lights, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother and Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations.

(Note: If you're one of those "I hate television" weenies, research shows that we probably won't get along very well.)

Diet Coke, contact lenses, Orthotricyclen, sturdy bras, DVR, cannabis sativa.

It's also been noted that I cannot live without: reddit, Talking Points Memo, hockey, little-spooning, good water pressure in the shower, my digital camera, elliptical trainers, conditioner, sparkly accessories, engaging conversation, Excedrin.

The color of your underwear.

Whether or not my spoon is too big.

What constitutes "creativity."

Celebrity downward spirals.

Comedic timing.

Personal hygiene.

Everyday consumer choices (do I really need flexi-wings?)

Health insurance (I don't have any), student loans (I have many and I'm about to take even more), clean air and water, gas mileage, personal liberty, censorship, fairness, the sexuality spectrum, and justice.

My worth as a human being.

Your worth as a human being.

...Open to suggestion.

My vibrator plugs into the wall. I don't fuck around.

I don't eat lettuce. Ever. (You don't win friends with salad.)

I don't really speak fluent Tagalog but I know a dirty word or two.

I have fantasies about someday running away to Southeast Asia and getting lost for a few years.

I'd like to sing in a band but I'm too chicken-shit to do anything about it.

Believe it or not, I've actually got an ooey-gooey mushy center.

...You're a gourmet pastry chef.

...You've never voted Republican.

...You dig girls with dangerous curves.

...You're starting a band and looking for a singer.

...You'd like to invite me to a poker game.

...You understand and appreciate cutting-edge comedy.

...Your mom says it's okay.