I first noticed I was attracted to strong woman when I was very young. I saw an episode of Wonder Woman where she tied up a bad guy. I remember wishing I was the bad guy.

I was 6 or 7 years old.

A few months later I saw an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard (yeah yeah yeah..laugh away) where Daisy Duke tied someone up.

I didn't know what sex was at the time and even though I found girls to be "gross", I still felt drawn to the idea of a powerful woman putting me in bondage.

From that point on I would sneak away into the barn (yes I grew up on a farm) and would tie myself up. It wasn't sexual, it was just something I liked doing, but I knew it was something I needed to keep to myself.

The thought of being controlled by women would manifest itself in other ways too. When playing cops and robbers in elementary school, I would always try to make sure I was a robber caught by one of the girl-cops on the other team. I loved it, and didn't know why.

Many many years later I lost my virginity to two friends of mine. They were in college and I was in high-school. They weren't dominant the same way I view it now, but they certainly took control over the situation.

Now that I think about it. That was my first and last three-way. I suppose it's like they say in the movie Superbad. I peaked too early in life, I'm like Orson Wells.

Where was I? Oh yeah

So I was hooked hooked but being in the mid-west you really can't expect to find too many women who like to control (it's hard enough in NYC). When I found BDSM online I knew this was who I was.

I met a few dominant women online and it always required driving long distances. A few times I drove 12 hours only to drive right back an hour after meeting the person. Once I drove more than 24 straight hours to spend a weekend with a Domme. I slept more than I played.

Finally, just before turning 30, I said to hell with it and moved to New York.

It was our third date.

She and I had really enjoyed out time together, had many of the same interests, both liked to talk politics, shared the same sense of humor and were mutually attracted to one another.

We had fooled around a bit on our second date. I had felt a hint of dominance from her by the way she aggressively kissed.

Over dinner our conversation turned to sex (thank you Belgian beer) and I thought it might be a good time to bring up my interest in BDSM (no thanks to the Belgian beer).

Me: I must admit, I'm probably kinkier than the average guy

Her: Really? I'm probably kinkier than the average girl too.

Me: Well, it's nice to meet someone who's "normal" and yet not vanilla.

Her: Oh I'm NOT vanilla.

Me: Really?

Her: NOT vanilla.

Me: How long have you been into BDSM?

Her: What's BDSM?

Me: Ummmmm Bondage Domination Sado Masochism

Her: (long pause) Ok maybe I am vanilla.

Me: Well, many people have misconceptions about BDSM. It's not all about kinky sex.

Her: It's not?

Me: Not at all. Well, it really depends on the person. I also enjoy serving a woman outside of the bedroom.

Her: Serving?

I went on to explain but I could tell it was over before it even began. It was difficult for her to understand why someone would enjoy pleasing someone just for the sake of pleasing. I think the idea of cleaning and cooking for someone freaked her out more than the ideas of chains and whips.

I've never had problems meeting vanilla women who were interested in dating me. It's a matter of finding one who's secretly (or openly) dominant that's the hard part. Everyone I know admits that it's probably not going to work.

After all, it's much easier for a dominant guy to introduce BDSM to a vanilla woman than a submissive man to do the same. A Dom can just slowly work it into play. A light spank, maybe some hair puling. What can a sub do? In the throws of passion ask her to beat the crap out of him?

Maybe it's a bad idea to bring it up within the first few dates but I have neither the time nor the money to spend on someone who's at least not open to it.

Still, the last thing I want to do is invest time, money and emotions into a relationship that won't go anywhere. I suppose the question is: What's the earliest way someone can bring up BDSM without freaking the person out? What's the best way to bring it up?
Then again, maybe giving up BDSM for someone I love would be the ultimate form of submission.