Currently ruling resipsaloquitur's spear. He is smarter, funnier, and better looking than you.

Really. It's no contest.

With that said, I'm only using this profile as a means to keep in contact with friends I've already made through this site and to occasionally update my journal. I'm really not interested in making new friends unless you are from the So-Oh area and would be willing to buy me beer and listen to me gush about my man.

If you've made it this far you're either ballsy (because you really have no chance) or you are a Portsmouthite with beer money and no friends. Either way you deserve to hear a bit more about me.

I have been described as a Toxic era Britney Spears with a dash of Anne Hathaway, a gay man trapped in a woman's body, a friend to the friendless, The Karaoke Queen, a wonder kid, an overachiever, luminous, voluminous, a humanist, the glue that holds this shit together, and countless four letter words that I'm not afraid to say.

I can describe myself as... hungry. And a little sleepy.

I won't say anything else because I like people to get to know me on their own without any expectations. I'm not good at living up to those.

I'm in college right now. Don't ask where, you've never heard of it. I'm in my fourth year and the end is nowhere in sight (stupid me had to pick three majors. Give me a break, I dropped the minor in Women's Studies). My plan is to stay in school for as long as possible and then have a career in academia. Why? Because I had a real job once and I didn't like it.

Wrapping my head around a problem, developing creative solutions, researching, sniffing out bullshit, making people laugh, giving hugs, and making people feel good about themselves.

I'm also pretty awesome at walking in heels and applying eye liner, but then so are drag queens.

I'm also good at pleasing my boyfriend. Let's hope that's one thing I have over the queens.

I'm probably good at other things. Here's hoping.

You saw my pictures. That's why you are here. You can answer that question faster than I can type it.

So I'm going to skip physical features and go straight to what you can't see on a screen. People usually notice that I'm confident, I use a lot of big words, I'm not afraid to make an ass of myself, I like to laugh, I'm always the first one on the dance floor and the last one to leave it, I'm comfortable with my body, and I'm always smiling.

Oh, and you'll probably notice the big, handsome guy on my arm.

I like indie movies. Not because I'm a pretentious snob but because I can get them free at the library. (Note: I didn't say I WASN'T a pretentious snob. I'm just saying that I'm also cheap.)

I tend to listen to mid 90's music, karaoke standards, break-up songs (the happy "ima-get-over-you" kind), whatever is on the oldie station, and the most saccharine of indie pop perfection. Once again, my love for indie music stems for my love of saving money. I like to browse sites that offer all the delicious indie music for free, keeping my pockets full and my conscience clean (pirating is bad, mmkay?). A sampling of what is currently on my mp3 player: American Hi-Fi, Amplive, Andreas Borg, Basia Bulat, Bird Kit, Bishop Allen, Cassettes Won't Listen, Cracker, Dirty Harry, East River Pipe, Ex-Boyfriends, greenspace, Hail Social, Kinematic, King of Prussia, Nada Surf, Ollie Bird, Over the Rhine, Social Studies, Spoon, The American Analog Set, The Bell, Vampire Weekend

When it comes to food I love trying new things. I'm not afraid to taste something bitter, and sometimes I enjoy it more than something sweet (what a metaphor for life, eh?). Texture is more important than taste. Presentation isn't always significant. Food is an avenue for enjoying life so every meal should be treated as an experience. That said, never eat alone if you can help it.

Was that too much to read? In short, I'll put anything in my mouth.

As for books I try to stick to the classics. You know, the books most people read in high school but are never required in the county schools (you city kids won't get that). I'm going to sound cliche, but my favorites are Jane Eyre and The Great Gatsby. I also like the poetry of Emily Dickinson, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, and feminist essays (Emma Goldman is my current femme crush).

Because I'm a social scientist, I really get into psychology and sociology articles. I'll blame my sick addiction to research on why I haven't read a book recently.

Family, friends, my dogs.

Wait? I have three more?

Air, water, food.

(Yes, that was in order of importance.)

Daydreams, how to turn every mundane experience into a fabulous story, my man, girls, fashion, and how I'm going to win that Nobel Peace Prize someday.

Out with friends. Either on the dance floor or on the stage doing karaoke. Meeting new people and looking fabulous.

When school isn't in session, I'm usually home on Friday nights watching movies or chatting online (most likely to my man. Do you get it? I'm taken). Actually, this is true for every night of the week.

I have a crush on the freecreditreport.com guy.

My dog likes to eat the crotch out of my underwear. Sometimes I don't notice this until after I put them on.

I thought I was a lesbian before I realized that I don't get along with most women.

I wish Star Trek was real.

I cry at movies, tv shows, AND commercials. Sometimes even news programs.

I'm a hopeless romantic.

If you are honestly and seriously only looking for a new friend.

Or if you think you are better than resipsaloquitur, which you aren't. SO don't waste your time.